


Till It Hurts or Bleeds

by chocolatebirdie



Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1687853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebirdie/pseuds/chocolatebirdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt moves in with Sebastian and of course there's bound to be issues. Just maybe not the kind of issues Kurt was anticipating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Till It Hurts or Bleeds

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this just over a year ago on tumblr but just made an account here recently and wanted to post it here.

Their friendship doesn’t form immediately. It’s a gradual change, one that can’t be stopped once it starts. What begins as their usual biting comments becomes silly banter, something they do out of habit more than a desire to hurt the other. They hang out now, listening to each other’s complaints about this person or that situation while out for coffee, or going out together when they decide to go to the bars on a given night.

In April of Kurt’s junior year, about a year and a half after Kurt and Sebastian run into each other in New York, Rachel informs Kurt that she plans on moving in with her boyfriend the next fall.

“I mean I guess I understand – even though I don’t think this boyfriend is really going to last, and living together is bound to only make things worse, but there’s no way I’m gonna try to talk her out of it – but Blaine and Santana are both living with someone else, which Rachel knows perfectly well, and now I’m stuck going on a roommate hunt.”

Kurt’s sitting with Sebastian in a coffee shop, less than an hour after Rachel dumped the news on him. He’d texted Sebastian to meet with him when he could so he could talk to someone, and conveniently, Sebastian had been free right then.

“Well, you know, I’m probably not going to have a roommate next year,” Sebastian says casually. “You could move in if you want.” 

“But… What about Ryan?” Kurt asks, eyebrows drawn in confusion. He was pretty sure Sebastian and his roommate got along well enough. Kurt didn’t speak to Ryan much, but he seemed nice.

“He’s graduating next month,” Sebastian says. “So what do you say?”

“Sure,” Kurt says after a moment. “Thank you.”

Sebastian only shrugs in response.

~ 

Living with Sebastian isn’t as difficult as Kurt thought it might be. Sebastian’s an easygoing roommate, and after a few weeks, he gave up on fighting with Kurt over the amount of time he spends in the bathroom in the mornings and at night. Other than that – and the one night stands Sebastian brings home now and then – there are very little issues.

Except for one horribly apparent problem Kurt discovers a few months after moving in with Sebastian. He tries to ignore it – the butterflies, the late nights when he’s too distracted to sleep, the general nervousness when he’s with him – but he can’t pretend he’s not completely in love with Sebastian.

It’s simultaneously irritating and relieving to Kurt that nothing really changes after he admits his feelings to himself. He and Sebastian spend the same amount of time together; they tease each other and complain to each other and go out together, as always. Sebastian still brings home one night stands once in a while, although it upsets Kurt for an entirely different reason now.

Kurt knows he’s not subtle. He may have had to spell his feelings out for Blaine, but that had everything to do with Blaine’s obliviousness and little to do with Kurt’s vain attempts at subtlety. But Sebastian, if he’s figured Kurt out, never says anything.

It’s late March when Kurt breaks. He’s sitting on the couch in the living room when Sebastian comes home from his class at his usual time, immediately walking toward the kitchen to grab a snack, humming something Kurt can’t really make out.

“You’re in a good mood.”

“It’s finally stopped snowing,” Sebastian replies. “And it’s actually sort of warm today. It’s the first day I didn’t have to wear a coat.” Kurt smiles. He learned early on in their friendship that Sebastian absolutely loves everything about spring. “And,” he adds, “I was thinking of celebrating by going out tonight, maybe find someone to bring home for the night. You in?”

Oh.

Kurt sighs, ignoring the hurt and the anger bubbling inside him. Maybe Kurt’s better at hiding his feelings than he thought, or maybe Sebastian’s just that oblivious. Regardless, he’s not in the mood to watch Sebastian seduce a stranger.

“I think I’ll just stay in tonight.”

Sebastian walks into his line of vision, and Kurt sees he’s pouting. “You said that last time,” he says.

Did he? Huh.

“Yeah, well, I’m saying it now, too,” Kurt says, harsher than he’d intended. “I’m sure you’ll get over it.” 

“The fuck’s _your_ problem?” Sebastian grumbles.

Kurt’s defenses flare. “My problem is that every time we go out now it consists of me sitting there and watching your drunk ass while you hit on every attractive guy that fucking breathes.” 

“You never seemed to have a problem before, sweetheart,” Sebastian says hotly.

“Yeah, well, I do,” Kurt says. He knows it’s a lame response, and that he’s being kind of unfair, but it’s too late to take anything back.

“Why? What’s it to you? You never drink, whether I do or not, and you don’t usually dance either. It’s not like I’m getting in the way of you getting some or something.”

“I’m just sick of watching it, okay? Every single time, guy after guy. It’s irritating and boring and a little insulting, frankly.” He can hear the hurt seeping into his voice as he speaks. The anger from a moment ago quickly dissolves into pain, and Kurt can feel the tears that are sure to come soon enough. Unwilling to let Sebastian see him like this, he gets up from the couch and walks toward his room. 

He hears Sebastian calling after him, and he knows he’s following Kurt to his room. 

“What the hell, Kurt?” Sebastian huffs. “Look, if I’d known it upset you this much – ”

Kurt turns around to interrupt Sebastian but stops at the intense look Sebastian is giving him. For a moment, they just stare at each other.

Eventually Kurt looks away from Sebastian’s gaze to gather his thoughts. He’s momentarily enraptured by the way the evening sun falls on the city just so, illuminating the streets in a soft light, before his eyes become too clouded with tears to see. He’s vaguely aware of Sebastian’s hand as it closes around his arm desperately. 

“Kurt.”

He says nothing.

“Kurt, look at me. Please,” Sebastian pleads, and the hitch in his voice is enough for Kurt to obey.

“Shit, why are you – fuck, Kurt, please don’t cry, I’m sorry – ”

“I’m fine.” Kurt wipes his eyes with his free hand, his right arm still attached to Sebastian’s hand, and sniffs as quietly and gracefully as he can. “It’s just – nothing. I’m fine. Go have fun.” Kurt gives him a watery smile and starts to pull his arm away, but Sebastian only holds on tighter.

“Kurt, please.”

“What do you want?” Kurt snaps, praying for Sebastian to just let it go. 

“Just fucking be honest with me, Kurt, because I’m not an idiot and I know you’re not fine.”

“It’s not your fucking business, Sebastian, just let it go.” Kurt can see the way Sebastian’s face hardens minutely at that, can see that he is fighting off the urge to shut down and snap back at him. 

“I thought we were friends,” Sebastian mutters, almost to himself. He looks away as he talks, and drops his arm when he locks eyes with Kurt again.

Kurt sighs tiredly, wishing he could just push Sebastian away right now and be alone. But Sebastian’s not fighting, he doesn’t even look very angry; just confused, and – hurt?

“We are,” Kurt says, somewhat uncertainly, and he realizes then that he waited too long to reply. Sebastian’s jaw tightens and he glances at the door, but before he can take a full step Kurt grabs his hand and pulls him forward.

“We are,” Kurt repeats, stronger this time, sure. Sebastian doesn’t move, but he actually looks angrier than he did before. He pulls his hand from Kurt’s and Kurt can see him clenching his hands just slightly. 

“Well you have a fucking awesome way of showing it, don’t you?” Sebastian spits out, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I mean, you always let me know how much you like being around me all the time, huh? And you clearly treat me exactly the way you treat Rachel, and Blaine, and Mercedes, and all your fucking real friends who are apparently a million times better than I am even though I know you used to hate Berry and Blaine broke your heart but of course that’s better than me, am I right? And – ” 

“What are you talking about, Sebastian? I act differently because our friendship is different. Are you forgetting the small fact that you treat me the exact same way I treat you? Yeah, maybe I’m not sitting here showering you with compliments all the time, but that’s not how we are! Because if we were I’d be sitting with you on the couch right now with some romcom on in the background, telling you that you’re brilliant and stunning and incredible and that I’m unbelievably and hopelessly in _love_ with you, Sebastian Smythe, and I’d kiss you until I ran out of breath and we would spend hours and hours after that just being together.”

Kurt’s out of breath when he finishes, and he lets his eyes fall shut to calm down. When he opens them again, he sees Sebastian’s mouth working, trying to find something to say. Before Kurt can register it, Sebastian leans in and kisses him, soft but assured. Kurt responds immediately, kissing him deeply, until he has to break away to breathe again. He doesn’t move far, his forehead touching Sebastian’s as he notices that his arms are now around Sebastian’s neck, and Sebastian’s hands are on his hips.

“So,” Kurt says quietly.

“So,” Sebastian grins. After a pause, he says, “I love you.”

Kurt beams and pecks Sebastian on the lips. “I love you too.”

"Look, I’m sorry about… everything. I never meant to hurt you, Kurt. I just…" He sighs. "I have no idea what I’m doing."

Kurt kisses Sebastian again, because he can. “I don’t really know either,” he admits. “But I’m sorry too.” Sebastian nods, and Kurt knows they’re okay. Better than okay, actually.

Sebastian tightens his grip on Kurt’s hips, pulling his face back to look Kurt in the eyes. “So I know this didn’t really pan out the way you described, but I wouldn’t be opposed to the part where we spend hours and hours being together…” He looks pointedly to the left, where Kurt’s bed lies a few feet away.

“Well, I guess that’d be alright,” Kurt says playfully, leading Sebastian towards his bed.


End file.
